More Than Grief

By Vernie Lynn DeMille

 

I wait for the day when your picture

Inspires more than grief.

 

When the joy comes back

From six feet deep

And years long past

And faded photographs.

 

I wait for the smile

That isn’t always through tears.

 

When I hear your voice

played in my ears like

A childish giggle and goofy laugh,

Not just an old, warped phonograph

 

That echoes when I try to recall

The fun and wonder of decades past.

 

I wait for the moment

When I embrace your mom

And not think “I’m so sorry”

Before “I love you so,”

 

Or see your ghost

In your sisters’ eyes.

 

And long to find impossible words,

That heal up a heart,

That bind up what bleeds,

That make up for a loss

 

That can never be filled

Until, until, until…

 

I find it. On a sunny May

Morning that shines bright

Through snow and rain.

You smile again.

 

And I smile first

And weep second.

 

And the memory of your laugh

Spins around my brain

And it feels like sunlight

Through a cloudburst

 

And I remember you with

More than grief.

 

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