Loyalty
I was up for quite some time yesterday morning, pondering and thinking about love, friendship, hope, and loyalty. It was loyalty that captured the majority of my time.
It’s been an interesting study that has brought me to many quotes and thoughts that link loyalty to honesty, but then separate loyalty from belief (which seems to be synonymous with “opinion” in what I’ve read.) I’ve read various thoughts on how loyalty must be reciprocal, but is only evident when it isn’t reciprocated. (As if loyalty to disloyalty is somehow noble?) I’ve seen music lyrics and stories that portray loyalty as a willingness to sacrifice personal ethics (like killing or harming others) as an acceptable way of proving loyalty to a person, family, group, or organization. I’ve seen it compared to the violence of a wolf pack, where you can bite, scratch, and fight all day, then lie down together with those that hurt you in a bruised and bloodied, uneasy peace. A sort of animalistic “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” alliance.
The contradictions between these definitions are vast. So divided that I can see why it is a virtue that we crave but struggle to find Eventually my reading finally bought me back to my own thoughts, my own internal compass of truth, which I want to share. Another definition of loyalty to throw into the ring and an option to consider.
Honesty and Integrity
True loyalty, for me, is dependent upon two principles: honesty and integrity.
In order for anyone to be loyal they must be willing to perform the true but difficult tasks, have the true but difficult discussions, and commit to the true but difficult path of discipleship to a way of life that is not self-serving. Loyalty, by its very definition, requires seeking the welfare of someone else.
I believe that all uplifting traits are centered in divine principles. That while loyalty to an individual is possible, and noble, it is second to a loyalty to God and His commandments, both universal and personal. When loyalty to an individual demands the denial or betrayal of loyalty to God -or even conscience, for those who balk at the belief in God- it is clear that loyalty has shifted into slavery.
Loyalty vs slavery is the difference between a general who compels his soldiers to die for his pride, on pain of death if they don’t march at his command vs. a battalion of dedicated warriors who are ready to fight to the death for a leader who supports them in their faith. A leader who stands with them and honors their commitment to a just and righteous cause.
In order for true loyalty to exist, there must be at its core an element of personal honesty and integrity.
Without personal honesty, that internal moral compass that helps us determine truth from error, our devotion to an individual would be as capricious as our own untethered, questioning heart and mind. In order for anyone to stand strong with anyone else, they must first know where THEY stand on the key ethics that the relationship is based on.
Without honesty, courage becomes a mercenary action rewarded with financial gain, love becomes a commodity to be traded rather than treasured, and loyalty is lip-service to whomever requires your immediate approval. Honest loyalty is the antithesis of “yes men” in an organization, business, family or country. Honest loyalty will challenge an action that is inconsistent with principles. It will stand up to actions that are detrimental to the integrity of the person or the team they are loyal to. Honest loyalty is willing to risk losing favor because honesty compels them to be faithful to true principles. Honest loyalty is a commitment to both a friend AND their faith. And it is beyond price. No wage in the world can purchase it.
Not a Commodity
Which brings me to my next thought: loyalty cannot be bought, demanded, or coerced. It can only be earned through personal, dedicated observance of the principles the two parties espouse. Loyalty is on par with the other noble virtues of love, courage, faithfulness, and integrity. All of them have something in common: they begin in the heart of the giver and they grow as they are given. They can be GIVEN but never purchased and never forced.
The truth is, you must be loyal in order to earn loyalty. Companies seeking brand “loyalty” must first offer something worth being loyal to. It’s also true of relationships. The golden rule isn’t “I’ll do to you what you do to me” for a very good reason. That statement defines vengeance. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” is a statement of personal power and accountability. It doesn’t add up the tally of offenses and wrongs to determine who has ‘earned’ loyalty, it is a commitment to live a principle regardless of anyone else’s lack of commitment. It’s the karmic law behind “seek first to understand and then to be understood”, “you get what you give”, “you reap what you sow”, and “what goes around comes around.”
We See the World as We are
Do you find yourself struggling with people who lack loyalty? Are you finding betrayal everywhere you turn? Is abandonment your lot in life? If you are feeling the lack of loyalty it’s good to revisit the truth that’s been attributed to Anaïs Nin, and Stephen R. Covey, but originally introduced by Talmudic studies: “we see the world not as IT is, but as WE are.”
The Apostle Paul spoke of this narrow view of the world as “for now we see through a glass, darkly.” A darkened glass is a mirror. It doesn’t help us understand the world better, I just reflects back to us what we already think we know. But in the very next verse Paul gives us the antidote to narrow vision. He says “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”
If we want loyal friends, we need to love them. If we want loyal teams, we need to serve them. If we want loyal customers we need to be committed to fulfilling their needs, not just our own. And most importantly, from the perspective of living a fulfilled life, if we want satisfaction in our personal lives we need to be loyal to our own beliefs.
Faith, Self-Examination, and Constancy
Loyalty, by its nature, demands constancy. But that constancy demands examination. In order for a heart to be dedicated through thick and thin, through trials, discomforts, successes, and ease, the thing, person, or principle demanding loyalty must be examined, revisited, and reconsidered on a regular basis. To do anything less is to assume a level of perfection that few causes and individuals attain in this life.
We come to truth by way of faith. We like to think we come to it by empirical data, by “proof positive” or “signs”. But the fact is, all belief is based on what we choose to put our faith in: the efficacy of scientific data and the integrity of the scientists performing the tests; the fundamental truthfulness of the testimony of individuals who share their religious beliefs; the consistent, unbiased morality of those who advocate for social justice, the common welfare, and equitable treatment of all people. Who we follow, who we believe, boils down to a matter of faith in the individual we most like, the “evidence” we most identify with, and the “proof” we choose to see.
This is why so many intelligent people can have such widely ranging views on the world and should not be considered ignorant, deceived, or unenlightened because of those differences. It’s quite possible for a person to differ from ourselves on almost everything and still be a person of honesty and integrity. We like to think we are objective, that we can be arbiters of truth existing outside our own experience and psyche, but we’re not and we can’t. Our individual perspectives are narrow, impacted by our experiences, shaped by our scars, successes, and failures, and (though we hate to know it) biased by our beliefs.
Because of this inherent bias, a life of integrity and honesty can only be maintained by self-examination and close consideration of where we stand, how well we are keeping our commitments and promises, how our actions impact others, and how our words affect the world.
Our craving for loyalty, either to or from another person, requires that we listen to the thoughts, ideas, counsel, and perspective of others. It doesn’t demand we agree with all of them, but it does demand we listen. If we don’t, we won’t know loyalty when it shows up at our doorstep and knocks gently at our hearts. Without self-examination, loyalty is impossible to receive and something we’re incapable of giving.
Loyalty comes wrapped up in love and affection. Never fear. Loyalty arrives at our doorstep in humility. Never pride. Loyalty shows it’s face in honest sharing and an attempt to understand. Never demanding silence.
Loyalty Begets Liberty
Honesty and integrity is the birthplace of loyalty, but loyalty isn’t truly the end goal of our life. Loyalty is a pathway, not a destination. The true fruit of loyalty, the evidence of its impact on a life, is the attainment of liberty.
Our loyalty to one another, the protection of self and society that it breeds, is how liberty is maintained. Each individual committed to honesty and integrity; each friendship bound by preservation of common principles; each community maintained through defense of individual agency; each country proud to protect the individuality, commonality, and diversity of their citizens; one world dedicated to preserving the heritage and histories of all; within the protection of that preservation lies the flourishing of the individual whose commitment to honesty and integrity began the cycle.
Liberty, therefore, begins with our loyalty.
My Hope
It is my sincere hope that loyalty becomes a defining factor in our hearts and in our society. I see too much of separation, disinterest, and self-interest in the world. I see individuals who are so dedicated to their own progression and success that they forget that they are not solitary travelers in this world. I see people so hurt by the betrayal of false friends that they become afraid to offer loyalty again. But we must. We must reach sideways, regardless of rejection, again and again if necessary, until we become truly united in heart and mind.
This is how we change the world.
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