Gratitude Therapy 

by Vernie Lynn DeMille

 

Scope of Practice

As a licensed massage therapist I often have people talk to me very openly about not only their physical pain,  but their emotional and mental pain as well. Offering psychological advice is way out of my scope of practice as an LMT, but this tendency happens so often that it has pushed me to pursue an education and training in psychology. 

 

While my education is ongoing, there is something I offer to my clients to practice right now on their own when they ask for help.  Something besides psychoanalysis,  cognitive behavioral therapy,  and other mental modalities. Something that has been tried and true for millenia.  I call it “gratitude therapy” and I learned it from a good teacher over a decade ago.   

 

A Heart in Need

On a cold, late-winter, Sunday morning in 2009, I was walking down the street to the church building at the end of the block.  It had been a very difficult winter.  We were only a few months out from the devastating economic collapse of 2008, we were struggling to survive financially, heartbroken as we watched friends wade through the feelings of betrayal and loneliness of separation and divorce, helpless as we watched family labor to live under the encroaching pain of age, injury, and disease.  

 

I was overwhelmed by the needs all around me. I watched as my children skipped ahead and William walked with them.  As the weight of all that was wrong pressed in against me, and I felt close to being crushed by it, I looked up at the cloudy sky.  There were three small sparrows dipping and raising on the cold wind. With my eyes wide open and from the recesses of my heart I plead with God. 

 

“Can’t you see how much we hurt? Can’t you see how great our need is? Can’t you help us?”

 

Immediately my mind was filled with His answer:

 

“Vernie Lynn,  you need to pray and ask for nothing. Pray and simply give thanks.”

 

I confess that I did not feel comforted.  I felt defeated.  I felt exhausted with all the troubles I saw.  And with that answer,  I felt alone.  I walked the rest of the way to the chapel.  I led the children in learning songs of faith.  I walked home,  my children skipping ahead of me, William walking beside me,  and told him the answer to my prayer.  

 

He just laughed and said “Well,  you better start praying.” I scowled at him and he laughed harder. 

 

The problem, as I saw it,  wasn’t in my lack of gratitude, the problem was that our needs were so big, with no way to fill them.  

 

We went through our Sunday afternoon routine. Dinner, a few stories, visiting with each other, games with the kids.  Every so often William would look over at me,  smile,  and say “Have you prayed yet?”

 

I just frowned and said “I will when I’m ready.”

 

Call to Prayer

As night fell and I got my kids into pajamas and prepared to tuck them into bed,  we all knelt in prayer as a family beside the two sets of bunk beds in the kids’ room.

 

I could see William looking at everyone, thinking about who to call on for prayer,  then he looked at me and started grinning like a loon. I thought “Don’t. You. Dare.” And raised my eyebrow at him.  

 

“I think it’s Mommy’s turn to pray tonight!” He cheerfully declared,  then closed his eyes,  bowed his head,  folded his arms,  and ignored all the silent scowling I tried to bestow upon him.  

 

I knelt there in silence. 

 

I felt that I had nothing to say.  I felt the wedge between my heart and God.  I needed help and I felt like He just wanted my gratitude. 

 

I didn’t FEEL grateful. I didn’t think I could say it if I didn’t feel it.   

 

The silence lengthened.  William kept his head bowed.  The kids fidgeted, but kept right on kneeling silently,  waiting for me to be the voice for our family prayer.  

 

Finally, I took a deep breath and began.

 

“Dear Heavenly Father,” the oft spoken words came out.  I paused, my mind blank.  Then I thought of the sparrows I’d seen that morning. 

 

“Thank you for birds.” I said.  I looked over at William and he looked back at me, still laughing with his eyes. I closed mine to ignore him. 

 

“Thank you for the snow on the mountain.” I said. As a farmer, I knew snow was always something to be grateful for. 

 

“Thank you for sunshine and green grass.”

 

I paused and other things came to my mind.  

 

“Thank you for the ocean.  Thank you for the beautiful forests.  Thank you for the animals that make us happy.”

 

As I prayed and expressed vocal gratitude, the feeling that had been elusive under all the stress and worry, came flooding back in my heart.  The words came quickly. Gratitude for family,  for good friends,  for the gospel,  and for a God who knew exactly what would heal my broken heart, filled my soul.  

 

 

A Prophet’s Voice

Yesterday,  in between my hours of work, I listened as a prophet of God spoke about the power of gratitude to a world that feels overwhelmed with problems. I thought back to this experience with a prayer of gratitude I had so many years ago.  I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the prophet’s words. 

 

Gratitude doesn’t change our problems,  it changes our perspective on our problems. God didn’t just want gratitude FROM me, He wanted gratitude FOR me, because He knew that living in gratitude is how I could get through difficult times,  painful experiences,  and transform sorrow into personal growth.  

 

Designed For Joy

As I’ve studied psychology in pursuit of my career I’ve come to understand the science behind God’s instructions to be thankful in all things.  Gratitude is one of the fastest ways to happiness.  Thinking grateful thoughts,  offering thanks to someone, hearing another person offer gratitude are all things that cause the brain to release the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is the “social bonding” hormone.  It triggers our feelings of love, devotion,  well-being, and happiness. This is just one more witness to me of God’s existence and desire for us to be happy.  That he would offer us instructions on how to feel joy, regardless of personal circumstances, long before we figured out the “how” of “gratitude therapy” is a testament of His loving care.  

 

God lives and He loves us. He answers our prayers in a way that helps us to live together in love with our fellow human beings here on earth.  May we #HearHim and #GiveThanks .